Post by Blessed Devil on Jul 15, 2008 22:39:54 GMT 7
I miss her. You guys wanna know what happened to us? Well, I would like to share our dialogue. It'll be like reading a fanfiction or something.
You see, there was one time wherein I had a chat with the church girl, Danica. I told her to tell Maxienne that I probably won't be active ever again, because I was so goddamn busy.
And then Maxienne sent me this message in friendster:
~~~
When I realized you had no plans of talking to me ever again, I was devastated. Why did you do that at a very crucial moment of my life? Just when I needed someone to listen, you deserted me. You promised you'd never leave me alone right? You promised to stay by my side. You promised to be my friend. Where are those promises now? Was it buried deep within the cold, frosted surface you're making everyone else believe you have? I had even no idea what made you do that. You just disappeared from the scene. It was not even a gradual farewell but a fast, shocking and painful one. You didn't even think about how I'd feel. You didn't even care how tough it must've been for me and everyone else who considered you a friend. More than that, you were my conscience, my diary and my confidante. The person I was closest to. A very important person in my life. Heh. Maybe you don't know how much that means to me. Maybe you're not aware of the comfort your presence had been during my darkest days. I am not a very trusting person. I rarely tell anyone how I really feel. You were one of the few whom I shared everything with. Again, I felt like I was betrayed. Like I was left alone once more. Now I ask myself. Now I am having doubts. Is there anything wrong with me? Did I do something that pushed you away? Am I such a bad person? This was the second time I cried so hard because of a friend. I never would've thought I'd be this affected. For months I had been enduring the stabbing pain. For months I have tried to deny that you're avoiding me. For months I had been living a blind faith. As much as I wanted to hate you, I just can't bring myself to do that. In some way or another, I still miss you. No matter how hard I tried to forget, I just can't. I remembered what you said before:
"I don't have a reason anymore. I just love her, pure and simple. Whether she's Insanity or Tohru, depressed or cheery, Yin or Yang, good or bad. She's Maxienne and she will always be the net buddy who is closest to my heart."
Wait. Why didn't I realize it sooner?
"She will always be the net buddy closest to my heart."
Net buddy. If feelings were computers, maybe you had yours reformatted. Deleting everything we talked about, along with the stories, the memories, the laughters and the tears...
Goodbye. My angel has flown away.
~~~
Needless to say, I was BUTTHURT by that message. So I replied:
Please don't feel that way. I had plans of talking to you, but that's all they were. Just plans. I was waiting for you to be online but you never came. I don't know what was wrong with my computer, but I couldn't post anything in your chatbox in your blog. Then I lost my cell phone. So I found no way to contact you... until I realized that "Oh yeah! I have a friendster account!" So here I am, posting you a message. I'm not avoiding you. Please don't think that way. In these few minutes that I'm online, the only person I wanted to chat with was you. I told Danica to tell you something so that I'll at least be at your presence even in a veeeeery short time. Did you notice that when I stopped being online, Jeric did, too? That's because we suddenly got busy. I have no idea if this is enough of an excuse for you but 4th year in our school has been hell for us. We're too busy to be active.
If feelings were computers, you know how I would describe what's going on? The Trojan Virus. Making my mouse cursor go everywhere at once, keeping me from clicking that something I want to click.
...
Okay, so that was lame. Damn it, I lost my "diplomatic eloquency" now. Maybe I'll just tell you in simple terms.
*bursts into tears* I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! I'M SOOOOOOO SORRYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T MEEEEEEAAAAAN IIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!
Please understand.
I think that's all I can say, really. This isn't goodbye. Because I will just keep sending you these stupid apology messages until you forgive me.
~~~
She replied to that with this:
Again, I felt I committed the same mistake I had with my bestfriend. I realized, I was soooo demanding. Eventhough I don't really understand your reasons up to this moment, I would atleast try until I do. I know you have lots of other friends and that you have a life outside the net or whatever. I just wasn't thinking clearly last night and what prompted me to write that was what Danica told me. Not that she added anything to it. I wanted to believe that but with the way you're acting, I just can't. Again, sorry for my shortcomings. That won't happen again. It never will. Well, what more can I say? Just thank you for the friendship and if you're really not gonna be active ever again.. then guess this would be the last. Bye! @};-
~~~
tl;dr: I told Danica to tell Maxienne that I was never going to be active again. Maxienne got butthurt and sent me an angry message. I got butthurt and replied. Then everything was okay.
~~~
*sigh* Oh, nothing, guys. I just miss her. Don't bother replying if you don't want to read all that.
You see, there was one time wherein I had a chat with the church girl, Danica. I told her to tell Maxienne that I probably won't be active ever again, because I was so goddamn busy.
And then Maxienne sent me this message in friendster:
~~~
When I realized you had no plans of talking to me ever again, I was devastated. Why did you do that at a very crucial moment of my life? Just when I needed someone to listen, you deserted me. You promised you'd never leave me alone right? You promised to stay by my side. You promised to be my friend. Where are those promises now? Was it buried deep within the cold, frosted surface you're making everyone else believe you have? I had even no idea what made you do that. You just disappeared from the scene. It was not even a gradual farewell but a fast, shocking and painful one. You didn't even think about how I'd feel. You didn't even care how tough it must've been for me and everyone else who considered you a friend. More than that, you were my conscience, my diary and my confidante. The person I was closest to. A very important person in my life. Heh. Maybe you don't know how much that means to me. Maybe you're not aware of the comfort your presence had been during my darkest days. I am not a very trusting person. I rarely tell anyone how I really feel. You were one of the few whom I shared everything with. Again, I felt like I was betrayed. Like I was left alone once more. Now I ask myself. Now I am having doubts. Is there anything wrong with me? Did I do something that pushed you away? Am I such a bad person? This was the second time I cried so hard because of a friend. I never would've thought I'd be this affected. For months I had been enduring the stabbing pain. For months I have tried to deny that you're avoiding me. For months I had been living a blind faith. As much as I wanted to hate you, I just can't bring myself to do that. In some way or another, I still miss you. No matter how hard I tried to forget, I just can't. I remembered what you said before:
"I don't have a reason anymore. I just love her, pure and simple. Whether she's Insanity or Tohru, depressed or cheery, Yin or Yang, good or bad. She's Maxienne and she will always be the net buddy who is closest to my heart."
Wait. Why didn't I realize it sooner?
"She will always be the net buddy closest to my heart."
Net buddy. If feelings were computers, maybe you had yours reformatted. Deleting everything we talked about, along with the stories, the memories, the laughters and the tears...
Goodbye. My angel has flown away.
~~~
Needless to say, I was BUTTHURT by that message. So I replied:
Please don't feel that way. I had plans of talking to you, but that's all they were. Just plans. I was waiting for you to be online but you never came. I don't know what was wrong with my computer, but I couldn't post anything in your chatbox in your blog. Then I lost my cell phone. So I found no way to contact you... until I realized that "Oh yeah! I have a friendster account!" So here I am, posting you a message. I'm not avoiding you. Please don't think that way. In these few minutes that I'm online, the only person I wanted to chat with was you. I told Danica to tell you something so that I'll at least be at your presence even in a veeeeery short time. Did you notice that when I stopped being online, Jeric did, too? That's because we suddenly got busy. I have no idea if this is enough of an excuse for you but 4th year in our school has been hell for us. We're too busy to be active.
If feelings were computers, you know how I would describe what's going on? The Trojan Virus. Making my mouse cursor go everywhere at once, keeping me from clicking that something I want to click.
...
Okay, so that was lame. Damn it, I lost my "diplomatic eloquency" now. Maybe I'll just tell you in simple terms.
*bursts into tears* I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! I'M SOOOOOOO SORRYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T MEEEEEEAAAAAN IIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!
Please understand.
I think that's all I can say, really. This isn't goodbye. Because I will just keep sending you these stupid apology messages until you forgive me.
~~~
She replied to that with this:
Again, I felt I committed the same mistake I had with my bestfriend. I realized, I was soooo demanding. Eventhough I don't really understand your reasons up to this moment, I would atleast try until I do. I know you have lots of other friends and that you have a life outside the net or whatever. I just wasn't thinking clearly last night and what prompted me to write that was what Danica told me. Not that she added anything to it. I wanted to believe that but with the way you're acting, I just can't. Again, sorry for my shortcomings. That won't happen again. It never will. Well, what more can I say? Just thank you for the friendship and if you're really not gonna be active ever again.. then guess this would be the last. Bye! @};-
~~~
tl;dr: I told Danica to tell Maxienne that I was never going to be active again. Maxienne got butthurt and sent me an angry message. I got butthurt and replied. Then everything was okay.
~~~
*sigh* Oh, nothing, guys. I just miss her. Don't bother replying if you don't want to read all that.
