[SNEAK PEEK] Atheism and Discovering New Life

[Blessed Devil]

Or rather, the title should be: Atheists: Discovering Life Once Again

This is a letter I will write, addressed to my mother, and hopefully making her understand me. If she does not approve, well then I'm not showing this to Danilyn either.

I wanted you guys to be the first to read it. It's going to be the most emotionally-driven essay I have ever written. And I'm very passionate about this particular essay.

***

This isn’t a rant on how God is bad, how your religion is bringing harm to society, and other things I said about religion before. I’m not here to convert you into being an atheist. I’m done with that. Rather, this is an explanation of some things about me which you don’t understand.

You remember when I ranted about God? About how He hates animals, does cruel things, and is generally an unpleasant character? I said many satirical things before about how God is selfish, how religion is stupid, and how smart I am for not believing. I was childish and insulting. I have one thing to say about all of it:

I’m sorry.

I have probably come across as somebody arrogant and condescending. I also acted like I was angry with God and I was so sure of everything. Right now, atheists probably come across to you as angry, conceited people who just love to insult religious beliefs. And yes, lots of other atheists are as angry and conceited as the me during that time.

Not all of them are. Lots of atheists, and I mean lots of them (Richard Dawkins, Greta Christina, Ellen Johnson, Marilyn Manson) are smart, rational, calm, good people who are happy with their life. And I’m very proud to have shared their beliefs. And do you know what I think about the childish, conceited atheists? Whenever I see some people like them, my heart breaks.

I know that when they say “God is a cruel dictator” you see something terrible that’s being said about your belief (and probably you yourself, indirectly). But do you want to know what I see? I see someone who has been taught cruel, confusing, untrue things, and was told that to even question these things would send him to be burned in hell for eternity, and he’s just now coming to realize just how fucked up that was, and just how much he’s full of rage about it.

If you still don’t understand how that feels, imagine that you’ve had a relationship with someone. You spend three years together believing that the other person loves you so much he or she would gladly spend the rest of their life with you. You devote yourself to this person, spending time and money, making extreme sacrifices, but one day you find out that this person never really loved you. All the things he said all these years were all lies. And after breaking up with him or her, you come to realize just how terrible this person really was, and would be prone to saying things like, “I can’t believe I let that disgusting person touch me!”

These nonbelievers feel the same. They feel that they’ve been lied to all these years. You see insult in what they’re saying, while I see anger, trauma, and the need to do something to express all the frustration.

You know what? It was the same for me. Let me tell you the story of how I became an atheist.

***

And it cuts off from here. Sorry guys, I did say it was a sneak peek.

[krein]

yay! first post!
wew! i feel connected as i read it. It was good! Very good! ;)Pero sobrang bitin. sobra. Haha. Must wait.

I can't figure out any simple reason why the essay is dedicated to your mom. For Lenlen, well, I understand because she is involved in your going-to-church-early-Sunday routine. I guess i have to wait pa rin for the continuation. Nu nga?

Atheists for me are not that arrogant, condescending and conceited people as you described during the time that you introduced them. I mean, there will always be a time that one believer will start to doubt if what he believes is really believable, or is just one big story made by someone who had nothing to do at that moment. I honestly felt that disbelief inside me.

I can always recall what Jose Rizal narrated in one of his novels, that I forgot which, the scene was there was a "prusisyon" with all the citizens of the barangay/town participated and with the different Saints being displayed. Rizal commented that with all this things we do for God, "Hindi ba Sya nag sasawa?"

That's the reason why I dislike Holy Week. Sobra sobra na para sa 'kin ang isang Linggo. Opinion lang po. Peace!

...

Pero God has done a lot to me recently, so many uncounted that I even wonder if I was worthy enough to receive them all, (especially her back!) Because of this, my doubts were detached and my faith was strengthened.

Yun yun experience ko. Something that made me unconcerned with my opinions and allowed me go to church at least once a month. (yap, di po ako pala simba. couch potato! ;D). I became thankful than ever and more Catholic than before.

The relationship part was a very good example. Parang ansakit siguro nung ganung feeling, kung lahat nga ng ito'y mag eend up sa isang tanong na nagsisimula sa "Akala".

I'm particularly interested with how BD became an atheist. Haha. GJ!