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Post by TiniWini on May 13, 2009 12:59:04 GMT 7
PROLOGUE "Life is a play, we are the characters, and the world is our stage."
- William Shakespeare True. Very true. I love that quotable quote. That’s my view on life, as of everyone else here in Redfield Academy, whose passions are to perform and share their talents with everyone around them. I, Jeanella Hoffman, have no talents whatsoever. Sure, I’m a straight A student, belong to the student council, and have the coolest friends around, all I have is a pen and nothing else. Life in Redfield is harsh indeed. It’s like a competition every single day. Grades, talents, and of course, popularity. Fame is everything here, and if you don’t have that, then you shouldn’t be here. Chemistry, oh chemistry, such is a wonderful class where I get to meet the love of my life, Jericho de Garde. He may be an outcast in the Academy, but somehow I’ve fallen in love with him head over heels. “Hey Jee, good morning!” I love it when he calls me Jee. Makes me wanna glomp him all day long. “Hey Jericho. Wanna be lab partners?” I asked. “Ohh, actually I was waiting for Joanna.” He replied. Ugh, Joanna Sheffield, the school’s resident heartbreaker. She obviously doesn’t like Jericho. She’s just there for his wealth. How I hate people like her! “Oh, I see. Okay then. I’ll just look for someone else.” I should rub this plastic smile off my face. He’ll soon realize that I’m the girl for him and not that bitch. I can take care of him and give him all the happiness in the world, unlike Joanna, who seems to suck every single resource Jericho has all the time. Chemistry lab’s full, for once. If not for the final exams, no one would bother to even think of showing up for class. I look around and see a lot of people calling my attention so that I’d be their partner. Damned leeches. The far side of the room always caters to the Japanese people. Naomi and Yumi Shinozaki, my twin bestfriends, seated in the middle, as always. Beside their table is Kenji Watanuki, the tennis varsity star who has an ardent admiration for me since third grade, with his partner Himawari Isoda, who apparently has a huge crush on him. Looks like I’m all alone without a partner yet again. “Okay you bloody creatures, let’s get to work!” the Chemistry professor yelled. Looks like the last chapter in this act I’d like to call ‘Third Year’. An hour passed and I’m outside the lab waiting for my friends to finish. It’s the last test on the last day of school. Looks like two months of nothing to do but watch anime all day long. All my plans are set until someone interrupted my daydreaming. “Hey… Uhm…” It was Jericho, and he looked sadder than that emo kid making all the noise in MTV. “Oh hi there! What seems to be the pr~” He stopped my question by holding my hands tight. I know I was daydreaming but this seems to be one hell of one. “Joanna kinda broke up with me. Are you free toni~” Two can play this lil game. “Yes I am!” I happily answered. ================================ So, this is just a teaser. Two reasons. One, I'm kinda busy with work. And two, I haven't even wrote the next chapter yet. Hahaha! XD So tell me what you think. XD |
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Post by Blessed Devil on May 15, 2009 18:00:34 GMT 7
Jeanella Hoffman Jericho de Garde Joanna Sheffield What the fuck, you can't think of original names so you got the Crypt members' names and added a letter at the end? I, Jeanella Hoffman, have no talents whatsoever. Sure, I’m a straight A student, belong to the student council, and have the coolest friends around, all I have is a pen and nothing else. What the fuck, is your main character a moron? “Joanna kinda broke up with me. Are you free toni~” Two can play this lil game. “Yes I am!” I happily answered. What the fuck, is your other main character a fucking slut? This teaser: There's nothing happening except for the characters being morons! What the fuck? What the FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? |
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Post by J e e c o . on May 16, 2009 12:00:55 GMT 7
... Well, I kinda like it. o.o Makes me want to end up with Watanuki though.  |
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Post by Chosen. Of. Chaos.† on May 16, 2009 12:36:32 GMT 7
No, YOU end up with me Watanuki Kimihiro, Jeanella ends up with Jericho. X))
Isn't that a happy world?
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Post by chuna on May 16, 2009 15:49:12 GMT 7
OMG, I wanna see how Joanna used Jericho's money. Is Jericho rich?
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Post by TiniWini on May 17, 2009 11:00:51 GMT 7
Glad you like it. I am currently writing the first chapter.
Joanne: Yes, you could say that Jericho's filthy rich.
BD: Show a little decency, for once. But then of course, only a moron can know another moron. But then yeah, I named Jeanella and Jericho after them, but I didn't name Joanna after Joanne.
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Post by chuna on May 17, 2009 17:55:08 GMT 7
Damnit, and I thought I was special. ... No, not really.
Well, I'm not really loving this thing...it's O.K. for now. Maybe 'cause it's only the prologue so...yeah.
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Post by Blessed Devil on May 17, 2009 18:18:55 GMT 7
Haha, decency! I'll show this story some decency when it becomes good.
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Post by AJ the Ass Slayer on May 18, 2009 10:31:20 GMT 7
It's not bad.  Maybe you should add a character named...Nicolo.XD Nicolo who is Jee's long time friend and is secretly in love with her, but won't tell her because everyday he is reminded of her obsession with Jericho. ...  |
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Post by TiniWini on May 20, 2009 11:25:31 GMT 7
AJ: OMG. It's like you have possession of my notebook.  That's exactly what I have written down here but I never really thought of how to inject that into the story since it's in a first-person perspective from Jeanella's point of view. |
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Post by TiniWini on May 20, 2009 12:15:57 GMT 7
CHAPTER 1 – Melodies and Maladies The Happy Horse is a popular hangout place among the popular people, and I’ve never been here before either. I never really knew what went on when people go on dates. But that’s only because I’ve never been in one, so my hand clamped onto Jericho’s, we eventually find our reserved table for two right in front of the stage, where bands play sweet melodies. Melodies, indeed. The mood here is all but bad. The lights, the people, and the overall ambience of it all, I love it! Yuppies on one side, teens on the other. And… As if fate wanted to ruin the moment, that Sheffield girl is here, with a new date, needless to say. That son of a… The unlucky guy is somewhat unexpected, and most definitely shocking. Niccolo De Rizotto, a guy from the other class, and my best friend since we were small. Unexpected, since he’s never really known for going out, much less hang out with the popular people. One thing to notice about him tonight, he’s awfully sad, even with his sicko date cracking corny jokes and talking aloud, trying to get his attention. A billion thoughts of how to torture Joanna Sheffield running in my head, indeed, until Jericho took notice of my silence. “So, what’re you having, my dear Jee?” he asked me. “I’ll just have pasta. And sushi, if it’s okay with you.”
“Of course it is, my dear. Hahaha!”
“What’s so funny?” “Well, I’m ordering the same exact thing!” Somehow, that made me smile and blush, something that’s never happened in a damn long time! We talked and talked and talked all night. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed ourselves that night, just being with each other. Yes, he must be the one for me. We have so much in common. We love the same food, the same anime, heck, even the same brand of shampoo! At the end of the night, he offered to bring me home, which I most definitely agreed. We walked under the stars, of which was awfully romantic. I don’t wanna sound too cheesy, but it was the longest 15 minutes in my life. We got home, my heart still throbbing with excitement. “I had a great night. We should do this more often.” I said. “I’m glad you did, and I concur on that statement, Ella. Wait, I can call you Ella, right?” Oh. My. God. No one has ever called me Ella, nor have I thought of being called that nickname. Nevertheless, I love it! “Yes you may, Eric. I can call you Eric, right?” Staring at his eyes was like stargazing. Shining, shimmering. “Well, Jeric would do.” He stared back at me, our eyes colliding like those in the monochromic love stories of the 1940’s. “Okay then. I’ll go in now, okay?” “Wait, I just wanna try something out.” I was about to get into the front gate when he grabbed me by the hand and planting a kiss, right straight in the lips. The feeling was indescribable. The feeling of my melting heart, illusions of hearts and stars flying in the sky. My first kiss, of course. I never knew it would feel like this. I never knew why people loved kissing so damn much. One, two, three, four, five! Five steamboats worth. Five long seconds of such a wonderful act that left me gasping for more of the sensation it first brought me. And all my stupid mouth could say is… “That felt good.”======================================== So, how is it? XD |
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Post by Blessed Devil on May 20, 2009 13:51:45 GMT 7
Wow. A kiss on the very first date. Jericho really is a slut, isn't he? Jeanella doesn't even comment on this? I understand if she's very revenge-driven but... it at least had to cross her mind or something. Is she stupid?
I don't like the pacing of this story.
Joanna... Joanna is... Oh, how should I describe it... She's ridiculous and evil and two-dimensional. She needs a good side. Like, even a little good side. Because no person is that evil.
And if you're thinking that I'm insulting your story, well, yeah, I am. But these are actually constructive comments.
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Post by TiniWini on May 21, 2009 19:43:36 GMT 7
Well, that is all, of course, in Jeanella's point of view. She sees all evil and no good in Joanna, just like I see all evil and no good in you, Joboy.
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Post by Blessed Devil on May 21, 2009 22:51:10 GMT 7
Wow you focused on explaining that and not on, say, your story promoting slutiness/stupidity?
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<--- Mah boss. OH YEAH. 
Maybe you should add a character named...Nicolo.XD Nicolo who is Jee's long time friend and is secretly in love with her, but won't tell her because everyday he is reminded of her obsession with Jericho.
That's exactly what I have written down here but I never really thought of how to inject that into the story since it's in a first-person perspective from Jeanella's point of view.